Love lost

I used to be in love… I used to close my eyes to all his shortcomings and dream that I’m in love and this love would be able to conquer everything. I used to believe in forever. That nothing can ever stand in our way. But as the years passed, as I aged and my heart got wiser, I woke up to one day not feeling the same anymore.

You see, I’ve loved him everyday of my life, gave him everything. Tried to understand him and be with him. But he took everything for granted. He was too busy with his friends and vices that he didn’t even notice that I don’t look for him anymore when he comes home late, or that I don’t anymore yearn for his embrace and kisses. He did'nt even notice that my eyes does'nt sparkle the way it used to.We don’t anymore talk and share each other’s dreams. I just sleep, close my eyes and dream of the love that we used to share.

This is the most painful and saddest thing to happen to any couple… to fall out of love.
I read that there’s no such thing as love lost because if you really are in love with that person then your love for that person can never really be lost but only buried. God knows how everyday I try to unearth those buried feelings but my heart is half empty… How can it give love when it’s almost empty? How could I hold on when I could barely hang on to my sanity? How could I start to mend my wounds when the scars are too deep to heal?

The heart doesnt die easily, it is strong and could face life's tragedies. It can withstand all the trials except for one... when the heart is neglected for so long... then it dies from blindness and betrayals. It gets worn out and withers... and it dies a natural death.

One great love...

They say that everybody has their one great love. It’s either you’ve met him/her already or he’s still out there. But how will we recognize our one great love?

One great love is described as a love whose intensity is so great that even the passing of time couldn’t dampen the spark which was first felt when you first met. Meaning all the emotions or feelings is still the same even after years have passed. It is with this one person that we can never forget the sweetness of its kiss, the warmth of its hug and that euphoric feeling in our hearts. Even the slightest thought of not being with him, of not spending the rest of your life with that person is already heart breaking… I guess because we know that we will never fall in love like this again…

True Love entails enduring commitment, maturity and constant communication. True love endures in silence and is never self centered. But our one great love, transcends true love. It is timeless and boundless. Not even time nor distance could stand on its way. It’s like the whole world conspires for your one great love.

So I guess, a person can really only have one great love on any given lifetime. This feeling can be ecstatic but can also be heart breaking… because often times, our great love doesn’t necessarily feel the same way towards us… and it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll end up with each other. If that’s the case, is it then worth it to continue loving that person even if the feeling is unreturned? I guess people who get to spend the rest of their lives with their one great love are extremely lucky.

How long then should we hold on and wait for our great love? Is something this great be truly out there?



September 14, 2008
6:30 a.m.

Yellow!

Jello and I went to Hollywood Nail and Spa for an interview today and I ended up getting my nails done... in yellow! This is the first time I colored my nails yellow, I have always been a tan, ecru or beige kinda girl, always on the safe and boring colors. Which got me thinking, why yellow?

Yellow they say connotes cowardice and deceit... was I unconsciously remembering the delusion of it all? Yellow also denotes envy or jealousy, am I jealous of the life you have? In Egypt, Yellow signifies the mourning of the dead... am I mourning the death of first love? of the innocence that it first felt? or could it also be remembrance of lost time... of lost love?

On the brighter side, Yellow also stands for courage, courage to face the rest of my life knowing that it can only get better... but most of all, yellow also stands for something bright and cheery... for optimism and enlightenment... a future which I could only hope for which in the end might lead us back to true happiness. For me then, yellow stands for hope... that someday soon I'll be able to take the next step and color my nails RED!