60 Minutes...
That's how long it takes me
to travel everyday
60 Minutes...
for an episode to last
from my favorite TV show
60 Minutes...
I felt alive
while we talked on the phone
6 Minutes...
it took you only 6 minutes
to break my heart.
6 seconds...
my world crumbled
and my heart stopped...
Sunday, October 19, 2008
God's house
I'm inside God's house...
crying my heart out
pouring my soul
to a life full of obscurities
I'm inside God's house...
seeking refuge
from the grim world
looking for my inner peace
I'm inside God's house...
beseeching his forgiveness,
Indiscretions and hearts foolishness
are just to name a few
I'm lost... a lost sheep
a cast away from the herd
wandering in the barren fields
confused with my chaotic feelings
I'm here inside God's house
trying to find my way in the dark
back into his warm embrace
and infinite compassion...
Friday, October 17, 2008
My weight lost journal
My good friend Jello suggested that I write something about my diet… to keep an e-journal of my progress.
I’ve been trying to go on a diet for the longest time but I think this is it… I started losing weight last July due to some personal problems and since I was already starting to lose some weight, I decided to enroll in a gym… at Fitness First in Ayala. It is expensive but with all its machines and the group exercises which it offers, it makes it worth it.
I started at the Gym last August 11.One month after, last September 11, I weighed again and I lost 9 lbs. My waistline lost a total of 4 inches since July. And then, last October 11, I weighed again and lost another 14 lbs! And my waistline loss another 2 inches. I have no plans of stopping. My goal for December this year is a size 38 waistline and for December next year, at least a size 28 and my weight would be down to 140 lbs. This would of course not be a walk in the park… it would entail a lot of sacrifice and will power but friends like Girlie and Jello keeps me going on. Even my officemates are cheering for me… especially the guys from the Art department. I guess this is the kind of support that will push me to reach my goal.
I’m at the gym from Mondays to Fridays and on some Saturdays. I used to don’t go on Fridays coz it a busy day fro me at the office but I adjusted my time earlier so I could join the cycling class at 7:00 a.m. then be at the office by 9:00. My normal day at the gym starts at 7:00 a.m. coz I join the cycling class at 7:00 a.m. It’s so painful and hard but I enjoy it because I burn a lot but at the same time have fun because of the music (80’s tunes) and instructors. After the class, I proceed to the machines like treadmill, bicycles, rotext, rowing and a machine which I forgot the name but targets my arms. Then I go across to the free weights area to work on my muscles and resistance training. After which I go down to where the machines which targets my waist. I now can do 100 crunches! It’s no joke coz it really leaves me breathless!! Then if I still have the time, I join other group exercises like body jam and body pump but my favorite is retro! It’s like a dance class of the 80’s. Then to finish off, I hit the sauna before taking a bath and reporting to work. Whew! You see what I mean by needing all the support I can get?? Hahaha…
I know it’s a lot of work and I’m still a long way from my goal but the little changes that I see not only physically but also emotionally will be reasons enough for me to go on.
Anyway, I’ll keep you guys posted on my next weigh in on November 11.
I’ve been trying to go on a diet for the longest time but I think this is it… I started losing weight last July due to some personal problems and since I was already starting to lose some weight, I decided to enroll in a gym… at Fitness First in Ayala. It is expensive but with all its machines and the group exercises which it offers, it makes it worth it.
I started at the Gym last August 11.One month after, last September 11, I weighed again and I lost 9 lbs. My waistline lost a total of 4 inches since July. And then, last October 11, I weighed again and lost another 14 lbs! And my waistline loss another 2 inches. I have no plans of stopping. My goal for December this year is a size 38 waistline and for December next year, at least a size 28 and my weight would be down to 140 lbs. This would of course not be a walk in the park… it would entail a lot of sacrifice and will power but friends like Girlie and Jello keeps me going on. Even my officemates are cheering for me… especially the guys from the Art department. I guess this is the kind of support that will push me to reach my goal.
I’m at the gym from Mondays to Fridays and on some Saturdays. I used to don’t go on Fridays coz it a busy day fro me at the office but I adjusted my time earlier so I could join the cycling class at 7:00 a.m. then be at the office by 9:00. My normal day at the gym starts at 7:00 a.m. coz I join the cycling class at 7:00 a.m. It’s so painful and hard but I enjoy it because I burn a lot but at the same time have fun because of the music (80’s tunes) and instructors. After the class, I proceed to the machines like treadmill, bicycles, rotext, rowing and a machine which I forgot the name but targets my arms. Then I go across to the free weights area to work on my muscles and resistance training. After which I go down to where the machines which targets my waist. I now can do 100 crunches! It’s no joke coz it really leaves me breathless!! Then if I still have the time, I join other group exercises like body jam and body pump but my favorite is retro! It’s like a dance class of the 80’s. Then to finish off, I hit the sauna before taking a bath and reporting to work. Whew! You see what I mean by needing all the support I can get?? Hahaha…
I know it’s a lot of work and I’m still a long way from my goal but the little changes that I see not only physically but also emotionally will be reasons enough for me to go on.
Anyway, I’ll keep you guys posted on my next weigh in on November 11.
Love lost
I used to be in love… I used to close my eyes to all his shortcomings and dream that I’m in love and this love would be able to conquer everything. I used to believe in forever. That nothing can ever stand in our way. But as the years passed, as I aged and my heart got wiser, I woke up to one day not feeling the same anymore.
You see, I’ve loved him everyday of my life, gave him everything. Tried to understand him and be with him. But he took everything for granted. He was too busy with his friends and vices that he didn’t even notice that I don’t look for him anymore when he comes home late, or that I don’t anymore yearn for his embrace and kisses. He did'nt even notice that my eyes does'nt sparkle the way it used to.We don’t anymore talk and share each other’s dreams. I just sleep, close my eyes and dream of the love that we used to share.
This is the most painful and saddest thing to happen to any couple… to fall out of love.
I read that there’s no such thing as love lost because if you really are in love with that person then your love for that person can never really be lost but only buried. God knows how everyday I try to unearth those buried feelings but my heart is half empty… How can it give love when it’s almost empty? How could I hold on when I could barely hang on to my sanity? How could I start to mend my wounds when the scars are too deep to heal?
The heart doesnt die easily, it is strong and could face life's tragedies. It can withstand all the trials except for one... when the heart is neglected for so long... then it dies from blindness and betrayals. It gets worn out and withers... and it dies a natural death.
You see, I’ve loved him everyday of my life, gave him everything. Tried to understand him and be with him. But he took everything for granted. He was too busy with his friends and vices that he didn’t even notice that I don’t look for him anymore when he comes home late, or that I don’t anymore yearn for his embrace and kisses. He did'nt even notice that my eyes does'nt sparkle the way it used to.We don’t anymore talk and share each other’s dreams. I just sleep, close my eyes and dream of the love that we used to share.
This is the most painful and saddest thing to happen to any couple… to fall out of love.
I read that there’s no such thing as love lost because if you really are in love with that person then your love for that person can never really be lost but only buried. God knows how everyday I try to unearth those buried feelings but my heart is half empty… How can it give love when it’s almost empty? How could I hold on when I could barely hang on to my sanity? How could I start to mend my wounds when the scars are too deep to heal?
The heart doesnt die easily, it is strong and could face life's tragedies. It can withstand all the trials except for one... when the heart is neglected for so long... then it dies from blindness and betrayals. It gets worn out and withers... and it dies a natural death.
I wonder why?
I wonder why?
The sun goes up
As the moon goes down
I wonder why?
A majestic rainbow appears
After a fiery storm have passed
I wonder why?
The birds and the bees
Are euphemisms of procreation
I wonder why?
The heart continues to love
Despite the scars of unrequited love
I wonder why?
I continue to feel this way
Even though I know
I’ll get hurt in the end…
I wonder…
The sun goes up
As the moon goes down
I wonder why?
A majestic rainbow appears
After a fiery storm have passed
I wonder why?
The birds and the bees
Are euphemisms of procreation
I wonder why?
The heart continues to love
Despite the scars of unrequited love
I wonder why?
I continue to feel this way
Even though I know
I’ll get hurt in the end…
I wonder…
Flatline
strangled words of love
falls on deaf ears
eerie silence fills the air
gloomy days felt
like an eternity
The horizon gets bleaker
as our footprints
slowly vanishes, washed up
by the dead sea
My heart gets weaker
barely audible heartbeat
keeps hanging on
until the day it flatlines...
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Despair
Infinite times
I reached out
squinting my eyes
trying to see through the darkness
trying to hear
the muffled voices
and moans of despair
but there is no one
not even the angels
could catch my fall...
I reached out
squinting my eyes
trying to see through the darkness
trying to hear
the muffled voices
and moans of despair
but there is no one
not even the angels
could catch my fall...
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Rollercoaster ride
A rollercoaster goes up and down
it gets faster and faster
accelerating and pumping
to the thunderous beating of our hearts
Rollercoasters scares me
the way we are carried in the wind
then suddenly drops us in mid air
leaving us breathless and yet wanting for more
we raise our hands
as if in utter surrender
we ride the thrill
to the euphoria of the moment
The ride last for only 10 minutes
but the experience lasts us a lifetime
forever etched in our hearts...
I'm on that rollercoaster ride of my life now....
it gets faster and faster
accelerating and pumping
to the thunderous beating of our hearts
Rollercoasters scares me
the way we are carried in the wind
then suddenly drops us in mid air
leaving us breathless and yet wanting for more
we raise our hands
as if in utter surrender
we ride the thrill
to the euphoria of the moment
The ride last for only 10 minutes
but the experience lasts us a lifetime
forever etched in our hearts...
I'm on that rollercoaster ride of my life now....
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Love's cycle
SUMMER 1991
When they first met it was magic... when she first saw him at his grandmother's kitchen, with his long locks of hair... she thought she saw Jesus. The attraction was instantaneous. They spent long hours just talking and just spend time with each other. They were still very young but at that moment and with that summer, they knew what first love meant.
SUMMER 1994
A few years have passed, they meet again. But this time around, he was behind those concrete walls and steel bars... a situation which was brought about by wrong decisions and innocence with the realities of our harsh world. But nothing changed, for despite the situation he was in, she still felt the same. She crossed the distance that separated them. Big waves couldn't dampen her spirit. All she was thinking was him, to somehow be able to put a smile on his face and comfort him during those dark moments of his life at the "white house". It was during this time that they knew what true love meant. But I guess love wasn't enough... for they lost each other again.
For years he lived in her heart, always at the back of her mind. Whenever she hears their song, she just couldn't help but shed a tear. For she thought he has forgotten about her, forgotten the song in their heart.
She tried to move on, trying to mend her broken heart along the way. She felt broken, all her dreams for the two of them have shattered. It led to a hasty decision which she thought would make her forget about him. She moved on with her life and started a family.
From time to time, she would hear snippets of news about him. The ups and downs of his rollercoaster life. He eventually started his own family. She tried so hard to forget about him, to numb her feelings for him. But he continued to live on, to reside in her heart.
But as fate would have it, they reconnected again. They meet again, a lot has changed. It has been 14 years since they last saw each other. Both of them very different physically but deep inside them nothing seemed to change. She kept on telling herself, "why still feel the same intensity when he is not the same anymore". But his voice, his eyes ... it's still him. It's as if only 14 hours have passed... for the chemistry is still there, the magic still hangs in the air.
If before it was their young age, then his situation that kept them apart, now it's their commitment to other people which is keeping them apart... And fate is just so cruel.
Fate plays a cruel game... now they know that they are each other's great love. But if they do decide to pursue it, then they must give up their commitments and hurt the people they love along the way. Logic tells them its wrong but their hearts scream otherwise.
Will they let go again of each other? Sacrifice their own happiness for the happiness of others?
Or will they follow their hearts and hold on to each other's great love? A love which will transcend all the kind of love which they felt before...
Now, they are just friends... trying to somehow satisfy their hearts true desires. Trying to hang on with what they have... friendship... For now, they painfully understand what commitment is.
But as he has said, maybe someday... they just have to believe in fate.
When they first met it was magic... when she first saw him at his grandmother's kitchen, with his long locks of hair... she thought she saw Jesus. The attraction was instantaneous. They spent long hours just talking and just spend time with each other. They were still very young but at that moment and with that summer, they knew what first love meant.
SUMMER 1994
A few years have passed, they meet again. But this time around, he was behind those concrete walls and steel bars... a situation which was brought about by wrong decisions and innocence with the realities of our harsh world. But nothing changed, for despite the situation he was in, she still felt the same. She crossed the distance that separated them. Big waves couldn't dampen her spirit. All she was thinking was him, to somehow be able to put a smile on his face and comfort him during those dark moments of his life at the "white house". It was during this time that they knew what true love meant. But I guess love wasn't enough... for they lost each other again.
For years he lived in her heart, always at the back of her mind. Whenever she hears their song, she just couldn't help but shed a tear. For she thought he has forgotten about her, forgotten the song in their heart.
She tried to move on, trying to mend her broken heart along the way. She felt broken, all her dreams for the two of them have shattered. It led to a hasty decision which she thought would make her forget about him. She moved on with her life and started a family.
From time to time, she would hear snippets of news about him. The ups and downs of his rollercoaster life. He eventually started his own family. She tried so hard to forget about him, to numb her feelings for him. But he continued to live on, to reside in her heart.
But as fate would have it, they reconnected again. They meet again, a lot has changed. It has been 14 years since they last saw each other. Both of them very different physically but deep inside them nothing seemed to change. She kept on telling herself, "why still feel the same intensity when he is not the same anymore". But his voice, his eyes ... it's still him. It's as if only 14 hours have passed... for the chemistry is still there, the magic still hangs in the air.
If before it was their young age, then his situation that kept them apart, now it's their commitment to other people which is keeping them apart... And fate is just so cruel.
Fate plays a cruel game... now they know that they are each other's great love. But if they do decide to pursue it, then they must give up their commitments and hurt the people they love along the way. Logic tells them its wrong but their hearts scream otherwise.
Will they let go again of each other? Sacrifice their own happiness for the happiness of others?
Or will they follow their hearts and hold on to each other's great love? A love which will transcend all the kind of love which they felt before...
Now, they are just friends... trying to somehow satisfy their hearts true desires. Trying to hang on with what they have... friendship... For now, they painfully understand what commitment is.
But as he has said, maybe someday... they just have to believe in fate.